Something to think about

This morning I read a blog post written by a mom who was driving around with her preschooler yesterday and saw a person shivering on the street with no coat. This inspired her to go through her house and donate some of their coats to a local organization that could distribute them to those in need. My church is also holding a coat drive right now, so the blog post made me think twice about whether or not I have any coats to give away. Am I a terrible person to say that of the five heavy winter coats I own, I don't want to give away any of them? It's okay if you think I am, I'm feeling that way, and still trying to decide what to do about it.

Then this afternoon Baby B and I were at the doctor's office waiting to have some blood drawn (mine, not his). A man walked up to the window to check in and I couldn't help overhearing his comment that he didn't have health insurance. When told that he would need to pay today, he said, "I don't get paid till Friday..." He ended up walking out, indicating he might be back. After we finished our business in the office, we walked outside to the car and while buckling Baby B into his car seat, I realized that the man's car was parked right next to us. He had walked up to the other side of his car and I heard a loud thump, which I think was him hitting the side of his car. After I got into my car, he got into his and drove away, clearly frustrated.

For a couple seconds after I noticed him, I considered asking him if I could help. I had a good amount of cash in my wallet today, I could have given it to him and said, "I'd like to help you, please take this." After all, here I was, having spent the last two hours grumbling to myself about the two $35 co-pays I had to pay today, and here he was with, seemingly, nothing. Even if I can't really afford to pay his lab bill and mine, I can clearly afford it more than he can.

I didn't give him anything, I didn't even say anything to him, but this kind of situation breaks my heart. Because I want so badly to obey God's commandment to love your neighbor; he asked the apostles to give up everything, their whole lives, to follow Christ and they did it! But I also know that we have our own bills to pay and how much is enough to give and then keep the rest for yourself? One of the greatest struggles of my personal faith is the tension between being in this world but not of it...

Romans 12: 2 - Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

I have no answers. I know that I will buy Baby B toys that he doesn't really need for Christmas while other children shiver and go hungry in the coming months. It doesn't sound right, but that's what it is. Until I choose to act differently, which would be so radical. But then again, isn't that what God calls us to? Anyway, it's something to keep thinking about.