The readings for today (excluding the Psalms) were Genesis 44: 1-17, Romans 8: 1-10, and John 5: 25-29. In the Genesis passage, the middle of the Joseph story, Joseph's brothers are "caught" with Joseph's silver cup, which Joseph had secretly ordered to be put in his brother Benjamin's pack. (If this seems random or not like a big deal, that's because it's part of a much larger story.) Long story short, Joseph framed them. And although they could have insisted they didn't do it, and been right, Joseph's eldest brother's response was this:
‘What can we say to my lord? What can we speak? How can we clear ourselves? God has found out the guilt of your servants; here we are then, my lord’s slaves, both we and also the one in whose possession the cup has been found.’ (Genesis 44: 16)
They were completely ready to take the blame! They had been accused. Evidence proved they were guilty. They were ready to accept punishment. Even though they didn't deserve it (in this instance anyway, let's set aside the fact that they had previously sold Joseph into slavery, that's a different story). The idea of being judged is hard enough but being judged when you don't deserve it? This is hard to swallow.
The John passage also speaks of judgement, more specifically of the final judgement.
'Do not be astonished...for the hour is coming when all who are in their graves will hear his voice and will come out—those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation.' (John 5: 28-29)
I think Jesus was speaking of the idea of "end times" in this passage, when the world will be redeemed and all in creation will face judgement. Jesus appears to be drawing a very black and white line. You will be judged and receive either life or condemnation. Be prepared.
Personally, I find the idea of judgement uncomfortable. I think a lot of other people do too. We don't want to be judged unfairly, as Joseph's brothers were. We don't want to accept the consequences of judgement, especially if it's "eternal damnation" as some like to preach. We don't want to be judged but we judge others all the time, a hypocrisy I struggle with greatly. Unless you are focused on righteous judgement, which just doesn't seem to happen all that often, judgement can be dark, confusing, something we'd just rather avoid.
But then we come to today's Romans passage, which again speaks of judgement but in a very different tone.
'There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.' (Romans 8: 1-2)
What a difference! Those words "no condemnation" leap off the page to me and I breathe a big sigh of relief. There's an "out" from all this nasty judgement. Thank goodness. (Sidenote: The rest of this passage explains how Christ frees us from condemnation, which I won't go into now but know that my reaction to these verses is based on understanding what follows. I realize that if you don't believe in Christ, you will have a very different response to these verses. I am willing to talk with you about that if you want to.)
So judgement seemed to be the common theme today. A couple starkly different presentations of judgement. And what exactly are we to make of it all? I have no idea. And when I was reading it all this morning while half-awake and nursing Baby P, I really had no idea. But I was able to discern this connection between the passages and it has been in the back of my head all day. I just haven't been sure what to think.
Then late this afternoon I was spending time on my other Lenten practice - playing worship music on my piano. A little background is necessary here. I took piano lessons for seven years as a child and progressed as far in talent and skill as I could go without really buckling down to work toward a more professional level, which I had no desire to do. I continued to play off and on through the years, less often once I moved to college and didn't have the piano and even less often after college. Once we bought our home a couple years ago, my parents gifted the piano to me, so I've started playing again. The problem with my piano playing is that I do not have the patience to achieve perfection. If there's a measure or section of notes that I can't play without mistakes, I know that I should stop, practice that section by itself until I can play it correctly, and then go back to the song. But I've never had the patience for that. It drives me crazy, but for whatever reason I always just power through, make a terrible wincing face at my wrong notes, and keep going. Tonight was no different. I have a book that I love to play from with beautiful arrangements of classic hymns called The Living Room Sessions. I stumbled my way through "For the Beauty of the Earth," "All Creatures of Our God and King," The Church's One Foundation," and "Great is Thy Faithfulness." My heart soared in worship when notes came smoothly, my brows furrowed when they didn't. When I was finished I stood up and pushed the piano bench in with a sigh, feeling grateful that I'd had time to play but slightly frustrated as always at its imperfection. And that's when Hubby T looked up from playing with the boys and said with great sincerity and love, "That was beautiful babe. I really enjoyed listening to it." Well friends, I was stunned. I couldn't have disagreed more. I was focused on the imperfections but he focused on the beauty of the whole.
And this is where I got an answer about the issue of judgement. We deserve to be judged for the wrongs we commit to one another and to our Creator. We deserve to be punished. We deserve to rot in our imperfections, just as I dwell on the missed notes that should be flat or the super low notes that I've forgotten how to read. But, amazingly, God is a God of love. And instead of focusing on our imperfections, he forgives, he moves on and instead dwells on our beauty. Jesus' death on the cross brings us from the darkness of judgement to light of freedom. Freedom to live as best we can, freedom to play worship music as best I can, knowing that we will screw up along the way but also knowing that God forgives us and loves our whole being anyway.
So I'll keep playing my piano, long after Lent is over. These are the songs I want my boys to know deep in their souls, even if they don't know the words or meaning yet. They may be imperfect, but they are an expression of adoration and thankfulness for Christ's gift. May we all be aware of our imperfections and how we deserve to be judged, and in so doing be made more aware of God's amazing love in forgiving and overcoming them.
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